A Truce with My Body

Redefining Health and Self-Image in Midlife

Like many of us, I’ve been haunted by the endless parade of “perfect” bodies plastered across magazines, ads, and social media. Things are certainly better now - we see more diversity in body types in advertising - though there is still work to be done. Growing up, my generation was bombarded with airbrushed magazine covers promising weight loss secrets and tips to “please your man,” all featuring impossibly flawless supermodels. Perfection was thrown in our faces at every turn and wasn’t just unattainable; it was a mirage designed to keep us chasing. Even though it’s helpful to see how things are changing, I still cringe at how much of this still exists, particularly with social media being its own body-shaming beast if someone isn’t careful.

Of course we know these images are edited, but they still mess with us. We tell ourselves those women aren’t real, yet we can’t help but wince when our reflection doesn’t measure up. We pick ourselves apart in the mirror, dread swimsuit season, and avoid cameras unless we’re sure we’ve mastered our “good angle.” Fitting rooms? Torture chambers with their unforgiving overhead lighting designed to strip away any shred of self-confidence. Whoever is responsible for that kind of setup deserves some kind of karmic justice.

For many of us, this body-shaming mindset started early, passed down unintentionally by mothers who carried their own burdens. I recall my mother bouncing her way around our living room to a Jane Fonda workout video, trying every new diet on the market, and always talking about feeling too fat. She was struggling like many women to measure up to the world around her while making her husband happy with his slim and pretty wife. Dieting and workout crazes weren’t about health; they were about chasing thinness as the ultimate ticket to happiness. Without knowing it, our mothers handed us the same toxic script.

I’ve wrestled with my body image for as long as I can remember. Too skinny. Too fat. No boobs. Too much boob. Too pale. Too soft. What’s that bump? Why is there a roll there? I shake my head thinking of a time when I referred to myself as “skinny fat” because of language learned from a personal trainer. How awful is that?  It’s exhausting even to write it all out. Recently, I’ve been reflecting on how much time and happiness I’ve wasted feeling out of place in my own skin, even missing out on experiences because my clothes didn’t fit or feel quite right. 

Here’s the thing: I don’t need to love every inch of myself, but I do want to stop fighting against my body. I want to feel at peace, to focus on health and self-care rather than chasing an ideal. Midlife, with its hormonal chaos, makes this even more of a challenge, but it also brings clarity: If not now, when? I refuse to let another precious moment slip away worrying about how I look - but unlearning years of self-criticism takes effort, not just wishful thinking. 

This work isn’t easy but I’m slowly learning to value how I feel - strong, resilient, and alive - above all else. It’s putting the focus on those feelings and looking ahead to how I want to move through the rest of my life that are fueling me these days. I’m 50 now and I want to be able to have a healthy and strong body that will carry me and keep me independent for the decades still to come. It’s challenging to keep my mindset in that space and to let go of the self-induced body shaming, but I sure am trying. My training as a health and wellness coach has shown me the importance of compassion, not just for others, but for myself. Supporting others has always been second nature; leaving room for supporting myself is becoming my new priority.

If any of this resonates, and I suspect it might, I’m opening up about the steps I’m taking to nurture a healthier, more compassionate relationship with my body. I’ll dive deeper into these in the coming weeks and perhaps you’ll find a bit of inspiration or a strategy here that speaks to your own journey. 

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1. Moving My Body Because I Get To, Not Because I Have To

Exercise used to be a tool for altering my appearance, but now I’m working hard to see it as a celebration of what my body is capable of. While I firmly believe there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good, by focusing more on how it makes me feel, I know the physical benefits will ultimately fit into place. So far, I’ve found that moving with intention, whether through strength training or a walk outside, fills me with gratitude and makes me feel not only strong but more connected to myself.  

Midlife brings the wisdom to stop wasting time on things that drain me and honor more of what invigorates me.

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2. Choosing Food for Nourishment

My relationship with food has been a roller coaster. While I’ve mostly avoided fad diets over the years, I’ve certainly dabbled in my fair share of eating plans aimed at weight loss. During the pandemic, comfort food became my go-to, and shifting back to healthier habits has been a huge challenge for me, particularly as perimenopause entered the picture. These past few years have amplified my long-standing struggle with staying consistent when it comes to food.

Now, I’m shifting my focus to foods that truly nourish and sustain me. I’m learning to prioritize what makes me feel energized and supported, knowing that healthy choices lay the foundation for longevity and well-being. But I also believe in balance, and sometimes dessert feels just as essential as the greens on my plate. As long as I’m nourishing my body with care, there’s no room for guilt when indulging in these sweeter moments. Food, for me, is becoming about honoring my body and enjoying the experience of fueling it well. Consistency isn’t second nature just yet, but this shift in mindset is laying the groundwork for lasting change.

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3. Transforming My Self-Talk

The critical voices haven’t disappeared, but I’ve learned to challenge them. When negative thoughts arise, I ask: Is this helping me? Most of the time, the answer is no. Instead, I replace them with something kind, like “I appreciate what my body does for me.”

Rewriting these narratives is hard, but it’s transformative. My self-talk shapes how I see myself and how I show up in the world.

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4. Surrounding Myself with Real Role Models

I can’t erase the unrealistic ideals I grew up with, but I can choose what I expose myself to now. I follow people who embrace their bodies and focus on living joyful, authentic lives. I admire women who prioritize health and happiness over perfection, women who are concerned more about taking care of themselves in ways that remind me that worth isn’t about appearance. 

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5. Practicing Gratitude for My Body

This is heavily incorporated into all of the above, and it’s through this simple practice that I’m learning to appreciate my body for what it does. It carries me through walks, hugs with loved ones, and lets me experience laughter and connection. Midlife has given me a new perspective on these everyday miracles.

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Shifting from body obsession to a health-first mindset is definitely a work in progress. There are days when old habits and thoughts resurface, but each step brings me closer to a truce with my body. My goal is no longer to look a certain way; it’s to feel strong, healthy, and present.

Being at this stage in life has taught me that my health is my greatest asset, and I’m finally learning to cherish it.