The Mid-Take, October 22, 2024

Loss, beauty, breath, and what currently has my attention.

My family lost my mother-in-law last week. It was unexpected and so, so fast. Little did we know that one day after she went to the hospital for an infection, we would watch her slip away in a matter of hours. On Tuesday we thought it would be brought under control, then on Wednesday we said our goodbyes. I have never witnessed someone’s passing and I don’t yet have the words to share how this experience impacted me. We’ve been so busy with arrangements and family visits that there hasn’t been time yet to absorb it.

The one thing I’m carrying with me right now is how fleeting life can be. While I’ve known this in my head, I’m not sure it really hit the rest of me until seeing her last gasps of breath, feeling the shift in the air and the swift change in her face when she left. It is a devastating privilege to be present for someone leaving this world.

I can only hope to keep this close to me as I move through the rest of my life. I want to honor this when I cherish my sobriety, when I spend time with my family and friends, care for my own body, give back to others, and even build the business I’ve long dreamed of. It’s a very real fact that none of this could be available to me tomorrow. That doesn’t mean I should live in fear, but it does mean I should live in full.

Step one towards living a life in full is my sobriety, and on Sunday I celebrated 6 months. My mother-in-law would be proud.

-Tracie

Now for a few things that caught my attention recently…

Watch and Listen

Recently, I really enjoyed Jon Bernthal’s Real Ones episode with Deborah Ann Woll. It was so touching to hear about her experiences with bullying, self-doubt and insecurities. Many would be surprised that this woman oft revered as a sex-symbol (you may remember her from True Blood), struggles with seeing herself as attractive. But it’s also so much deeper than how she views her looks, it’s a powerful conversation and one I think a number of us can relate to.

Music Is Magic

My husband and I recently took a little weekend getaway a few hours north in Petoskey, MI and spent some time in this great little spot called Malted Vinyl. They had plenty of N/A beverage options, lounge-y sofas, and some great vinyl to choose for spinning one side at a time.

While browsing through the records, I found the Lemonheads - It’s a Shame About Ray from 1992 and had them give side A a spin. Either I’m just nostalgic for the 90s lately, or this album seriously holds up. What do you think?

On the Page

I’ve had a lot of difficulty maintaining focus on a book over this past couple of months. I can’t figure out what is going on with my focus, maybe it’s perimenopause, maybe it’s being busy with health coach training, or maybe it’s just that I haven’t found a good bedtime read that holds my interest. One that I have been working my through in the mornings has been This Is Your Brain On Food. Dr. Uma Naidoo provides a comprehensive review of not only what foods can help to treat and provide relief for a number of psychological and cognitive conditions, but also how the science behind it all works - and it’s fascinating. I wouldn’t be surprised if my lack of focus is strongly related to my eating habits these days.

Let’s Pause a Moment

Speaking of perimenopause, I enjoyed this recent conversation from Ali Shapiro’s Insatiable podcast, Rethinking Menopause, Hormones, and HRT with Kristin Johnson and Maria Claps of Wise and Well.

The Career Middle

When I was first going through my own serious self-discovery about leaving my corporate job and finding a new path, I hired a career coach. Working with her was truly the catalyst for my being able to brave the change and I’ve never looked back. For some great insights and help on your own career journey, I encourage you to give her a listen over at The Flourish Careers Podcast with Jenn Smith.

If you have any questions about how I did it, send me a message - I’d love to hear from you.

Recovery Inspiration

Imagine being able to not only recognize that you are having a panic attack but having one in the middle of your workplace and being able to vocalize what's happening with your coworkers and others around you so that you can take the time you need to move through it. Sounds incredibly hard, right? Now imagine that your job is on live TV and doing this same thing. Nate Byrne absolutely deserves to be called a hero for doing just this.

I have also had panic attacks in the workplace (not on live tv), as have others close to me, and to be honest I didn't even know that was what it was when it first happened. It can be frightening, disorienting, and make you feel completely awkward and just plain weird. The more we talk about this and try to understand it, the more support we can provide for others going through it. In doing so, we create safe spaces and help to diminish the embarrassment and awkwardness of the experience.

The key for me is to keep abstaining from alcohol when these moments arise. Past me would have wanted a drink to calm me down, but I know all-too-well that the alcohol is a temporary fix only and ultimately heightens the panic and anxiety in the long-term. Now when I feel a panic attack coming on, I make every attempt to identify it, ground myself by planting my feet on the floor and focus on box breathing:

• Step 1: Breathe in, count slowly to 4. Focus on feeling the air enter your lungs.

• Step 2: At the top of that 4 second breath, hold your breath for 4 more seconds.

• Step 3: Slowly exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds.

• Step 4: Try to avoid inhaling again for 4 seconds, then repeat the steps several times until you feel yourself calming.

This is Where I Leave You…

There is great beauty in life, even in the moments of struggle and loss. There are lessons there for us, there are messages that we’ll carry even if we aren’t immediately aware of them. What you endure today can lift you up in ways you may not have ever thought were possible. Keep going.

-Tracie